A positive Oral Experience , now what….

It has been  281 days, 11hours, 17mins since his diagnosis. We have had many sexual encounters. Most of which are jack off sessions. Some mutual jacking off, a few deep kisses, nipple and intense ear & neck kissing with sexual whispers. I have used a toy on his ass, he has used a toy on his ass. We have had good Edging sessions as we watching TMI porn.

I have rimmed him once, I have shared few deep tongue kisses, I have even since provided some limited oral.

Within the last 2-3 weeks we had been drinking we got very horny and it resulted in me fucking him hard and deep with a condom of course. I only did it for a few minutes as I had a sense he was feeling awkward. At this moment I am a bit foggy as to how our escapade ended but I know how it started. He was feeling submissive, he asked me to climb ontop of him as he laid on his belly. It progressed from there to me eating his ass with the utmost pleasure and aggression.

There have been a few times were I have licked his cock, I have put his cock in my mouth and at times I had been anxious. It is new. It is different. It feels like I am an unsure 20yr old who is still preoccupied with contracting HIV.

This morning we had our usual cuddles. I felt his cock hard as a rock. We had some good firm hand grasps, we traded turns spooning as to feel the others cock near our asses.

I asked him on a scale of 1-10. 10 being He was ready to blow to 1 being he wanted to cry. He replied that he was an 8! Ready Set Go…

I fingered him a little bit. I could tell….I rolled him on his belly and got on top, I dry humped him to see how receptive he was. I was so close to grab a condom and just fuck him silly. I tongue fucked him a couple times.  I then rolled him over and climbed up on his chest and told him what to do. He was a good boy. He stuck out his tongue and I slapped my cock against his face, I forced his mouth open and plunged my cock down his throat a few times, he sucked it a bit more then I laid down beside him. He then got up on all fours and sucked me off. I fingered his ass a bit as he serviced my cock. It felt so good. It had been forever since I had a mouth on my shaft. I was a bit anxious for contraction. Jesus some ignorant HIV positive men like Danny Pintauro-Tabares said he contracted it from oral. It seems so unlikely to contract it that way. Possible but less common.

I had other HIV positive guys suck me off b4 and never thought twice about it. I have had sucked off a few too I am sure and never even knew about it.

This was different. I wanted it. He wanted it. I felt like he needed it more than me to feel whole again. To release his inner cocksucker. To feed him his first seed in over 10months.

It was an amazing blowjob. I then took over and jacked off as his lips were mere centimetres away. Once I started to shoot he went down on me and ate up as much as he could. I felt so food that I was able to give him his first seed in 10months. Hoping that it would inspire him to want more, ask for more, take his first hung daddy cock that he has been fantasizing for weeks now.

It was now his turn to blow. He was on his knees jacking away, spitting on his cock and ferriously tugging away at it wanting to provide me with a load all over myself and again providing him sense of normalcy.

Alas he was unable to blow a load, his anxieties got the best of him and he collapsed beside me and we cuddled. Providing him with some comfort that it was fine. I have had those moments too so it was no big deal.

Was it weird, absolutely. Was it awkward, absolutely. Was it awesome, yes. Do I want it to happen again, sure. Does it feel unsafe and risky, a little bit.

I trust that his blood work is still undetectable. But here we are. It is done….

 

months go by has anything changed

I sit here at my coffee shop that I like to blog at. I realize that it has been months. I know I have yet to figure out a balance between work and my life. It seems I have invested everything into my work. When I am home away from work sometimes I still check work emails, sometimes I think about work, sometimes I talk about work. When I am home I am either watching netflix, watching porn and jacking off or having a drink with my partner.

We have moved. We are settled. We are starting to realize what our new normal is all about.

It seems most of life has passed me by since my last blog post. I think of writing often but I feel too numb or glum to get on the site to write. I would often check my stats to see how many viewers I have had come my way to check out my little slice of the world wide web.

Of course my viewers have gone down significantly. Especially since I have not written about porn, sex or fuck flu…..

There is so much in my brain I am wanting to write.

I am even at this point unsure what to write about.

I guess I could use this as a template for future writings.

I want to talk about;

…fucking my boyfriend

fucking other dudes….

…. wanting my boyfriend to fuck other dudes

my first blood work since his diagnosis….

…our first fight

hiv viral load numbers….

…disclosure…

….open relationship ?

beyond therapy….

#grindr boy who doesn’t watch porn??

All these things have been on my mind.

It seems the most of my views come from pigs from the website pozconvert and another I can not remember at this point. It seems people who chase the bug are hungry for visualization.

Guess this is for now. I am unsure if I can handle writing about sex in this busy coffee shop. There is a local knitting group in the cafe that is being very loud and hard to focus. Once it calms down i’ll dive into the depths of my inner pig.