ANNIVERSARIES, 15 IN ALL….

YESTERDAY WAS OUR 15TH ANNIVERSARY.

IT WAS A TIME OF MIXED EMOTION. AT TIMES I FORGOT EVEN OF HIS STATUS.

THE THOUGHT DID CREEP IN A FEW TIMES AND MADE ME SAD. OVERALL IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

THE DAY STARTED WITH CUDDLES AND MASSAGING. WE HAD OUR REGULAR GREEN SMOOTHIE AND TEA AND GOT DRESSED TO HEAD TO THE MOVIES.  IT WAS A DATE!

WE SAT DOWN AND GAVE EACH OTHER A CARD. WE GIGGLED AND SMILED AND HAD TEARS IN OUR EYES AS WE SHARED OUR LOVE. THE DAY MOVED ON AND WITH ANTICIPATION.

I FEEL SINCE DIAGNOISS THAT HE HAS BEEN OVER COMPENSATING WITH GIFTS. I UNDERSTAND WHY BUT IT ISN’T NECESSARY. I APPRECIATE IT AND I LOVE HIS JOYOUS SMILE WHEN HE ANTICIPATES MY LOOK OF SURPRISE WHEN I SEE WHAT HAS BEEN GIFTED TO ME.

WE MADE OUR WAY TO THE THEATRE TO WATCH THE EPIC “STAR WARS-THE FORCE AWAKENS”.

WE HAVE A CERTAIN UNSPOKEN BOND. WE MET IN THE BITTER COLD NIGHTS OF JANUARY 15YEARS AGO. OUR RELATIONSHIP IS BASED ON COLD WINTERS WALKS AND FREEZING TOES. OUR RELATIONSHIP IS CEMENTED WITH FRIGID TEMPERATURES.

IT HAS MADE US STRONG AND UNWAVERING IN OUR LOIVE.  WE HAD OUR STRUGGLES. WE HAD OUR MOMENTS BUT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT. IT IS A BOND I STILL THINK TO THIS DAY I AM UNABLE TO VOCALIZE.

MANY THINGS HAVE HAPPENED TO US. TO ME. TO HIM. THIS NEW CHAPTER PARTICULARLY SINCE IT IS NOW LIFE CHANGING.

WE HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME. SHARING GLANCES. CRYING AT THE SAME MOMENTS IN THE MOVIE. LAUGHING AT THE SAME TIME AND IN SHOCK AND AWW WHEN AN EPIC MOMENT WAS REVEALED IN THE MOVIE.

WE FINISHED THE MOVIE LIKE WE ALWAYS DO. WE SIT THROUGH THE WHOLE MOVIE INCLUDING CREDITS. WE LIKE TO STAY UNTIL THE END. WE WATCH THE CREDITS, TALK ABOUT THE MOVIE, LISTEN TO THE SOUNDTRACK. SOMETIMES WE WANT TO KNOW WHERE IT WAS FILMED, WHAT ARTISTS CONTRIBUTED TO THE SOUNDTRACK.

WHEN THE MOVIE WAS OVER WE LEFT AND WENT WINDOW SHOPPING FOR OUR NEW APARTMENT LOFT. IT IS NICE TO DAY DREAM. NICE TO SHARE OUR DISLIKES AND LIKES OF A PARTICULAR PIECE OF FURNITURE OR DECOR.

WE MADE OUR WAY HOME TO CHANGE AND GET READY TO HEAD OUT FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY SUPPER.

AS WE WERE GETTING READY TO GO OUT FOR SUPPER WE DECIDED TO EXCHANGE GIFTS. I FELT SILLY THAT I HAD NOT WRAPPED MY GIFT FOR HIM. MONOGRAMED INITIALS ON COFFEE MUGS.  THEY WERE VERY HANDSOME. CRISP WHITE AND A STYLISH BLACK INTIAL FOR EACH OF US. MEANWHILE HIS BEAUTIFULLY WRAPPED GIFTS WERE AWAITING MY HANDS TO TEAR APART THE PAPER TO DISCOVER WHAT WAS INSIDE. A CUTE LOVING SILLY GIFT. A BOXED ENVELOPE WITH THE WORDS,” FULL OF LOVE” I TOOK THE SLEEVE OFF AND SAW THE BOOK. I OPENED THE BOOK AND VALENTINES DAY LIKE GLITTER SHAPES FELL OUT. IT WAS A FAUX BOOK WITH THE INSIDE CUT OUT TO HIDE LITTLE TREASURES.  I LOVED IT. I ALWAYS WANTED ONE. THE SECOND GIFT I STARTED TO OPEN. I DISCOVERED IT WAS FROM A HIGHER END STORE AND STARTED TO FEEL SAD AND HAPPY. I FELT MY CHEAP OLD MUGS WERE NOT IN ANY COMPARISON TO HIS. I CONTINUED TO OPEN IT. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL HAND CRAFTED CRYSTAL ORNAMENT. ABOUT THE SIZE OF A SMALL APPLE. WITHIN THE CRYSTAL WAS A CLOCK. HE COMBINED THE TRADITIONAL AND MODERN GIFT OF 15TH ANNIVERSARY. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I THINK I HAD EVEN GOTTEN A GROWNUP GIFT. I CRIED EXTENSIVELY. THE THOUGHT AND LOVE BEHIND THE GIFT WAS TOUCHING MY CORE. HERE WE WERE TWO GROWN MEN. WE STARTED OUT AS BOYS. WE STARTED OUT UNKNOWINGLY ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER. WE GREW TOGETHER.  TEARS ASIDE IT WAS TIME TO GO. TIME TO FACE THE BITTER COLD OF WINTER.

IT WAS FREEZING COLD. I WAS FRETTING OVER WHERE TO GO FOR SUPPER AS IT WAS MY TURN TO PICK.  WE WENT TO A PLACE WE HAVE NEVER BEEN TO BEFORE AND DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO TRY THIS PLACE OUT. IT WAS NICE. WE HAD A GOOD TABLE AND A HOT SERVER, CHAD. A FIT MUSCULAR BLACK DUDE WHO WAS CHARMING AND FLIRTY EVEN THOUGH HE WAS STRAIGHT AND THE LIKE. HE KNEW HOW TO PLAY THE GAME. THE SERVICE WAS EXCEPTIONAL AND OUR MEAL WAS DELICIOUS. WE HAD SOME GOOD CONVERSATION. WE LOOKED BACK AT THE PAST AND LOOKED FORWARD WITH IDEAS AND LOVE.

WE PAID OUR BILL AND LEFT THE COZY RESTAURANT FOR THE BITTER DRY COLD AIR. WE STARTED TO WALK HOME. WE THEN RAN TO CATCH A BUS.  MISSED IT. WE THEN MADE OUR WAY TO THE FERRY.  IT WAS A GOOD WALK HOME, ROMANTIC AND SILLY. WE WALKED BY THE BUILDING WHICH WE WILL SOON OCCUPY. I COMPLAINED MOST OF THE WAY HOME AS THE LONG-JOHNS I PUT ON WERE RIPPING OUT MY LEG HAIR BY THE ROOTS WITH EVERY STEP I WAS TAKING.

WE MADE IT HOME. I WAS TIRED AND STUFFED. WE MADE OURSELVES COMFORTABLE AND CUDDLED ON THE COUCH. HE PUT NETFLIX ON AND WATCHED A STAND UP COMEDY. I FELL ASLEEP ON HIM AS PER COURSE. HE WOKE ME UP AND WE MADE OUR WAY TO BED. WE CUDDLED AND I DRIFTED OFF WITH LOVE IN MY HEART AND JOY IN MY SMILE.

GOOD NIGHT. SWEET DREAMS.

 

HIV and the Common Cold

HIV and the Common Cold.

Both Virus’ both have their own stigmas.

Both have their enemies…

The Common Cold goes through the work place and sheltered and secretive germaphobes come out of the wood work. Germaphobes start to dictate to others how to live their life. Give suggestions to peers on how to combat the virus. Little empathy comes the way of the cold sufferer. People with a cold are shunned from engaging with their friends. Struggling to get their own work done. Waste paper baskets filling with crumbled yellowish tissues. The dry hack or sneeze echoes through the hallways and coffee rooms.

Coworkers begin to use their elbows to open doors, people avoid the sick. People will gossip about how rude it was for the Cold sufferer to even show up at work.

With my own experience of HIV ignorance and my exposure to it from others seems the same. People start to whisper about the infected. People will roll their eyes. People will be afraid to use common areas out of ignorance of HIV.

I have yet to fully experience ignorance or hate about my partners HIV infection however I am sure some day I will be exposed to it and I will have to deal with the sorrow and stigma of people living with HIV.

Whether it be at the bathhouse and my partner comes or not people will ask about him and wonder why he does not come with me anymore. Men who we use to fuck will start to ask how come we are not in the game anymore. People will ask what is wrong with my partner.

Now I have had my first experience of my partner being sick while having HIV. Four days ago he started to suffer from common cold symptoms. He had a sore throat, a tickle even. He had a stuffy nose and sinuses and  sneezing and coughing. The common cold came on fast and hard.

I knew one day we would have to deal with a common ailment and work our way through it and wonder if it was due to his weakened Immune System or just a cold as everybody gets.

The weird thing is my partner in the 15years I have been with him has hardly ever been sick. I can count on one hand how many times he has had a cold or flu. Actually, He has never had the flu. He is relatively a very very healthy man. He refrains from taking OTC meds for even headaches which he has rarely gotten.  It was actually headaches and clogged sinuses that made him worry he may have an HIV infection.

This first Cold was nothing for me. Did I worry, yes! Did I make a big deal about it, No! I did baby him the first two days. The first day he had off anyway due to a Dr. appointment. As soon as we got him home from the appointment I tucked him into bed with extra blankets made him some tea and gave him some fruit.

I then ran to the grocery store to pick up some remedies. I got him Cold FX, a cold/flu pill which for us is a miracle. I got him Zinc lozenges as well as some great fruit and veggies and some more tea.

I made sure he was well hydrated and made sure he was always drinking or having  fruit and chicken noodle soup every 2 hours. I was always reminding him to drink up, take his pills and vitamins.

One thing we learned as we went through this process is we have to look at OTC a little differently. We have to read labels and understand how they interact with HIV medications. We decided from the limited knowledge the medical community has on herbs and how they interact with HIV meds to not use the Zinc Lozenges. We did continue with the Cold FX and the multi vitamin.

Day 2 of his cold he called in sick with my strong recommendation. Day 3 he also called in sick and Day 4 which is today is his normal day off. The first 2 days I really did baby him and made sure the household was run smoothly and he asked for nothing. I always made sure he was able to rest and move about the house freely and able to enjoy the time to recover. My thinking was as this was his first cold with HIV that it would be a baseline to know how long it takes him to recover.

Today he still has a cough and seems congested but his energy level is higher. He has been getting a lot of sleep and eating very well and I love him to death. He had said earlier in his cold that it was a 7-8/10 as being intense and today being a 3-4/10.  He never once allowed his mind to go there. To go to the dark place of ” oh poor me I have HIV and I have a cold, this sucks.”

His energy level is up and he still has some symptoms but he is still suffering from sinus congestion. Which really he would have had anyway with or without HIV. He has always had sinus issues.

So how was our first attack of a common ailment. It was great. It went well.  I told him it was important for me and I think for him to actually have taken the time off work and see how this cold plays out in prime conditions. Without work interfering and draining his energy. He knows that to beat a cold it takes him 5days minimum to get to a level of functioning. To me it was a test. It was show him that his health matters. That as his first cold to show him how much work it is to get back on your feet and boost your immune system without work adding to the mix.

So when a cold hits him again he can make the choice. As previously he would go to work and it would drain him and it may take him a little longer to bounce back.

I think he is in a unique situation. That he is on his meds for 30days now and he has gotten a cold within that time. Was it due to a weakened immune system, who knows? We will never know. Does it matter, probably not. Is it important? I think so! WHY? Because it adds to a baseline. WE know How strong his body is. We know he is still a strong resilient man. He said he knew that his body knows what to do and trust his immune system. I think that is powerful that he knows that.

It is just a simple Common Cold but from a man who never got sick it is important.

In the past at the slightest sign of a scratchy throat or a tickle we would both take a triple dose of Cold FX.  We never got a cold!! WE strongly believe in our regiment to beat the cold. The reason we take a triple dose is this. The normal dosage is one pill 200mg once a day for maintenance up to a safe limit of . If you are sick you can take an extra strength formula. This formula is 300mg x6 a day, 1800mg! So what we did was this.

Day 1 3 200mg x 3 day= 1800day

Day 2 same

Day 3 2 200mg x 3 day= 1200mg

Day 4 same

Day 5 1 200mg x 3 day = 200mg

Day 6 1 200mg x 1 day – 200mg

We find when we do this we never ever get sick. We also cut out all refined sugars, grains, red meat, booze, dairy, and drink lots of water. We have tried and tested this method for 7years! We swear by it and would testify under oath that this product is a true and tested product that should be the standard to treating and preventing colds.

So here we are, one testimonial and our first Common Cold Mixed with HIV infection.