Poz on Poz. Birthday Cock…

Here I sit at a coffee shop on a grey day awaiting my daily dose of coffee. The PozPig is with me today. It is his birthday weekend. I have taken 4.5 days off to be with him. We have both worked so hard this last year we have not had many opportunities to connect.

I have mixed feelings about these 4 days ahead of us. Wondering what they will bring and if I will be disappointed when it is all said and done. I want to be a pig and fuck all weekend.  I want to whore his ass out and see him fill his boy hole with as many loads as he can take.

We had some hot one sided oral sex the two nights ago. Quick simple, cock sucking, ball sucking and ass eating as he spewed his toxic load all over my chest. I had no opportunity to blow as it was sort of in the cards that it was all about him. We had not had sex together in well over 3 weeks and he has been in a slump so to speak.

He has had sex, we have not. It has become a bit intolerable and bothersome that he has been fucking other dudes as I sit in the closet and beat off watching as he has his fill.

He has had many guys this summer come over to the loft. Some Bareback, Some with condoms, some just oral. Some were Poz dudes, some said they were neg and I am sure perhaps some never knew their status.

He has had some remarkable men and boys. Some were smooth fit muscle studs that just wanted a hole to fill. One man was a hot, shaved head, muscle mature man, mid forties, with a hung man meat. He was POZ. My boyfriend has always wanted to hookup with him but nothing ever came of it. We never knew he was poz before the night he first came over.

Over the last few years prior to his HIV infection we had been on a few sites, manhunt, squirt, grindr, etc…We have seen this dude on the sites. HE tried to message him and wink at him but to no success. Boyfriend always felt he was out of his league. It was within the last year the boyfriend said that this dude was on his wishlist. A fantasy. He is handsome. Scruff, manly. Beautiful face.

I was on squirt.org on my bf’s account and this guy messaged. He wanted to fuck. So i kept the conversation going. I got a picture off of him and realized it was the same pic that I had seen on BBRT and that guy was poz. So I yelled across the loft for Bf to come to me and look at my discovery.

It is interesting that after all these years that as it turns out his fantasy fuck is Poz and now more than ever on the to do list and a real possibility to take raw man cock again. Maybe this is why this dude has never given boyfriend the attention he wanted because he knew he was poz and never really felt it a possibility that he could fuck a negative boy. After a conversation and self disclosure and asking him a couple of times to reassure him if he was good to fuck raw he said he would come over.

The boyfriend was in shock. He could not believe after all this time he was going to fuck a man he has always wanted to service. He got in the bathroom, douched, bathed, trimmed and waited! I quiver just writing about it.

Within 90mins he was over to the loft and balls deep in boyfriend, making him a dirty little cum slut. HE rammed, plowed, and tortured the boyfriends hole. I have never ever heard him cry for mercy as he took hung cock. This man seemed to be given the forbidden fruit. How many men has this Poz dude been with, has he too lived a sheltered sex life because many men won’t fuck a Poz dude in our tiny homophobic, aids ignorant society we live in. He acted like he hasn’t BB a willing hole in a long time.

My boyfriend loved it. He sucked, he worshipped, he was put into every position I could imagine by this Poz man. He wanted his hole. I was watching silently beating off in the closet across from the bed unknowingly witnessing true pig fucking. When the man wasn’t fucking him the boyfriend cleaned off the freshly ass juiced man meat and re lubed it with his spit  polishing it off and then bending over and taking it again.

The room smelled like stench. Pure man on man stench. Poppers lingered in the air, ass juice flowing, spit everywhere, ass juice all over the fuck blanket. Lube all over their bodies. The Poz dude pulled the bf’s body in any direction he wanted. He was rough on him. One position he turned him into a pretzel and heaved his shaft down his shit chute. He started to moan, scream and moaned” I’m cumin” he unloaded in his hole and kept pumping his dirty seed down his hole. The boyfriend was shivering and glistening with a well deserved sweat. The collapsed onto the bed and made small chat.

To cut to the chase, the Poz Man who is the quentential gay man. Handsome, fit, bald shaved head, beard. He sort of looked like the porn star, ” Drew Sebastian” He is fucking hot. Needless to say, this local Porn Star came over 2 more times. They have been chatting a bit on text messaging.

I am a bit jealous. He is everything I am not. He gives the boyfriend I am unable to give him. Over and over again. Even though the Poz man disclosed to the bf the bf has yet to disclose to him his status. I am unsure if he ever will.

I do get something from it as well. I fulfill my inner whore voyeuristic eye. But the side effects are ye to be determined.

The boyfriend is now in a slump. Not in the mood. Not wanting to hookup with other guys nor me.  I am unsure of his intentions or reasoning for it. It has happened before pre and post hiv.

Nothing to worry about I tell myself. But I am an anxious person anyway so who knows.

As much as I want to who him out if he is not willing it is a fruitless cause.

My fantasy is for me to stay online all day and invite guys over and walk into the bedroom and find him on all fours, seed him, have him suck them and leave..Then once the sun sets take him to the bathhouse and have him take as many cocks as he can take in the dark room. All for the sake of cock.  All for my selfish reasons.

With all this being said. What is it about me? Why is it at times when I want him to take a strangers cock and load I get all worked up with anticipation. However when it is early in the day and I jerk off to porn on different sites or even to the boyfriends homemade video of the Poz dude breeding him once I blow I feel guilt and don’t want him to be with anyone else and feel satisfied. Yet a few hours later I am wanting it again.

I want the boyfriend to feel special and remember the birthday we spent together but would it be tainted if he took another mans load other than mine?

This morning when we woke up he was in the bathroom for some time as I was adjusting to the morning light coming through the curtains. Awaiting his return to I could take my turn in the washroom, refreshing my mouth and wash my cock. The boyfriend returned and then I had my turn.

We kissed, we fondled, I went for his ass as he whispered,” careful it may be dirty.” I replied,” I thought you washed it” He said, “I did but be careful”

So I went for it. He had a faint faint smell of a shit but he was clean. I made him moan as i ate his ass and taint. It was refreshing to make a man moan. My man. I felt comfortable and secure. I then crawled up onto all fours and rubbed my shaft against his hole with random pokes. My head pressing against his spit lathered quivering hole. He was intense in his moans and grunts. His inner slut bottom wanted it. He forgot his status and didn’t care my knob was poking him. My juicy knob every few thrusts penetrated his hole. He made no excuse and accepted my cock. I wanted to breed him. I wanted him to take my load. Other negative men have fucked him, knowingly full well his status and others not. He has accepted others cocks but he has never wanted me to breed him. What was I to do.

I stopped and got up beside him laying side by side and cocks pressed against each other. I then instructed him to clean my cock off. I muttered,” I like dirty ass and you like dirty cock so clean it off” It was a figure of speech. MY cock had no shit on it. Just ass juice.

We cuddled a bit and then we got out of bed. No load. No orgasm. Just left it at that.

I sort of used him to excite him. I wanted his hole to want more. I planted the seed that he could take big cock today. TO fill his hole. TO want seed. TO take raw cock. POZ cock.  I told him ,” it is your birthday weekend, you deserve what your hole desires!”

 

Sunny Disposition ….I smile for cum!

Here I am. Can you see me? Can you hear me? No, that is good. I want to be anonymous.  So many men, boys and ladyboys want to know who you are when you are on social media like Grindr, Manhunt, Squirt. ” Do you got a pic, brah?” it drives me crazy.  Maybe I am a creature of habit, maybe I am too old for this hook up game. Maybe I am not getting it. I like the days when you could hide in a stall and tap your foot or look for the other dudes shadow going back and forth to know if he is cruising. I like the days where you can hide in the shadows of a park and wait for some man to walk by and tug at his crotch. It did not matter what you looked like for the most part. It was dark, you had your cock out and you were ready and willing to anyone who was ready to get you off.

Now everything has to meet a preconceived checklist. The newest app on the market is in the underground until more and more socially retarded single faggots join and then change the dynamic. Anonymous fucking is dead. You need to see what he looks like, his stats, his into, his time frames, what social circle he may run in to ensure you may be compatible. What is there to be compatible about. It’s just sex. If it isn’t just sex, one of the two are being dishonest with themselves.

So where does this leave me. I am in the cruising market. I am ready to blow a load. I am scared, I am nervous, I am anxious and horny as fuck.

I have made a few connections. I have had my blood work done since, I have told my partner that I have played. I have had some anonymous hookups, I had been to the bathhouse, I have been to the public washroom, I have had someone over at the house.

So where does this leave me. Guilt, shame and wanting more. I have had a really bad cold, I have had a herpes breakout, aka a cold sore, since I was 16yrs old. It is a badge of shame for sure but I kept up with it and put it back in its place.

I have been fortunate enough that my partner has been honest and shared his willingness to jump back into the hookup game. He has been with 4 different guys and one of them 2x.

I joined in on 3 of them where as the others I hid in the closet watching through the closet door crack. It was amazing. I also had the voyeuristic eye to watch him breed a dude who is also undetectable(even though he never said he was nor does he know bf is).

It is hot as hell to watch my boyfriend top. It is equally hot to watch him service hot hung daddies. I also like watching him take a load of cum to the face.

Boyfriend has had one guy breed him and he took his load deep in his ass. This guy knew he was undetectable but made the choice to top him anyway. It was soon hot. The daddy top ever knew I was watching from the closet. I did join in the second time they hooked up.

My boyfriend was in a service mood for sure.

My boyfriend and I took a boy home from Grindr. We met up with him at a local pub and fed him a couple drinks then took him back to the house. This boy claims he is on prep and wants seed. He is a cum hungry pig slut bottom. I hooked up with him once before and knew he was the boy I wanted my boyfriend to be breeding buddies with. So I introduced them and we all slept in the same bed.

However the boy was too drunk to play. Passing in and out of consciousness. He was a bit of a headache actually. I woke up in the middle of the night pretending to sleep as I was listening and watching with one eye my boyfriend trying to breed this slut. But the slut kept on pushing him off saying he was too tired.

Morning came and he and the boyfriend had some hot oral before boyfriend took off to work and then I bred this boys ass twice. Dumping my load hoping he would keep my load in their for the day so Bf could  use it as lube later. That never happened.

There is nothing better than having a slut beg for your seed. Begging for it.

So….This threesome boyfriend and I had with the man who knew bfs status. This guy did not know we were boyfriends but just friends, I pretended I was from out of town.

This guy the first time they hooked up lasted all of 2mins inside his ass before he seeded him. So I figured it would be a quick hookup. I was able to eat this daddies ass and breed him before he took a turn on the boyfriend. I came too quickly of course watching boyfriend sucking his hung cock at the same time put me over the edge.

I then took a back seat and watched boyfriend and him fool around. This guy was into kink, he wanted me to eat my seed out of his ass. He wanted to use a sounding tube on his cock, he put on a oxballs cockring on his cock and used some sort of warming cream on his balls as I finger fucked him and boyfriend sucked his cock with the sounding tube down his shaft. It was a hot time. Was a little longer than I anticipated. But fun…

He asked to stick around and have a glass of wine to chat. So we chatted. Making up lies as we went along to make it seem we were just friends. He had said in a Manhunt chat that he wasn’t into group sex with couples so….

Another guy that the boyfriend fucked around with as I watched from the closet was an amazing daddy, fit, muscles, friendly, handsome and hung as fuck, he stayed so fucking hard his veins were popping the entire time they were fooling around.

One thing I have noticed with hung daddies especially those who lie their age is they want more romance than just fucking around.  He was all into kissing and taking his time. There was one moment where boyfriend was straddling his chest and fucking his mouth that the daddy shifted him down to his crotch and started to play with boyfriends hole with his raw precummy cock. He poked his knob around his hole wanting to breed him. He was determined to get it in. I was very very anxious and scared that he was going to breed him without knowing boyfriend was undetectable. Boyfriend had condoms ready but the dude never reached for one. Boyfriend rode his rod against his crotch teasing him, watching the precum drip down his shaft before bf crawled off and said,” not tonight”.

Sighs…I am hard as a rock sitting here in the coffee shop reliving this moment. They keep chatting and trying to arrange a second hookup. Boyfriend really wants too but is also hesitant because this daddy has already expressed interest and has verbalized its more than a hookup, he wants to stay the night etc and cuddle sessions. Boyfriend just wants a fuck ready daddy.

I joined boyfriend in a threesome with a guy. I joined in a session watching him breed and pound the shit out of a hung bottom. He hooked up with this guy pre diagnosis as well. It is interesting that this bottom since their last hook up before diagnosis has also now become infected.

That is in itself a whole new blog entry but….How hot is it to watch to poz men just go at it no holds bar. more to come…

I have confessed to boyfriend I have had a few hookups on the side. One I video tapped and showed him, the other I told him about because he knew I had been with this guy before in our old apartment. The guy I had videotaped is……well I think I want to make a whole complete blog about it in detail. I want to watch the video with headphones on so I can dictate every single detail for you sluts who read this shit to get off.

As for the guy I have been with a few times. He is just some middle aged, short, bottom slut.  He walks in, gets undressed, gets on all fours ass spread and lubed up, I then enter the bedroom from the bathroom and walk up, kick his legs apart and slide my raw cock into his hole as I feed him poppers. I breed him, step away, blow my load on his hole then push it back in then kick him out.

Thats all it is, just a hole to blow in.

Now….Why do I breed? I don’t know. I just like the wet warm feeling wrapped around my shaft and feeling my seed spew all over and plaster a willing mans asshole.

With that being said I was fearful once I had contracted “it”. More so It was just a bad cold…A man cold of course…The side effect of being an anxious person who’s boyfriend has HIV its always on my mind.

If I keep this up at some point it could be inevitable that I could contract it if I keep fucking guys raw. That would make me very sad and my boyfriend angry. I mean I will breed guys who I don’t know their status but I won’t fuck him. A guy who knows his status will still breed him but I won’t.?!?!! I am sure that can add to the mental confusion to it all.

I have more luck with men on Craigslist then I do on Manhunt, Squirt and Grindr. Those sites are boring and for the masses. Everyone thinks they know someone or someone knows someone who has fucked so and so….I don’t have time for that. The men on craigslist are more intense. Discrete and it helps keep the distance.

I will admit the daddy that the boyfriend was fucking around with who almost slide his raw shaft deep into his tight eager hole was a man from Manhunt who I have always wanted to service but I am not his type. So it is nice to live vicariously through boyfriend. Watching the both of them getting what they want from the hookup. Meanwhile I am still getting what I want. I love to watch men fuck….The sounds, the smell the dim lights bouncing off the muscle, the ass….I love the smell of poppers and sweaty ass fill the room.

Here I am. sitting in the coffee shop waiting to watch my numbers climb as all you pig sluts want more. Feel free to email me, chat me or share what you want to hear from me.

 

Poppered Out: an Ode to the Good Ole Days….

Am I too old for this shit?

This is a common mental  note I make after I spend some time jacking off when I use poppers as an enhancement to my edging sessions.

I have been using Poppers since I was 21. I had accidentally came across this phenomenon of gay culture. I remember visiting a gay bar for a Halloween event and I was dancing away and I noticed many gay boys dancing it up with lighters to their nose. I never thought much of it. Curious but not tempted. I remember a boy asking me if I wanted a huff. I declined after asking him what it was.

It was on my mind for several months. After leaving the big city back to where I was living I was laying in bed with my boyfriend at the time. We were talking about it. I told him the local sex shop was selling this liquid called Poppers and I wanted to try it. We agreed to try it. He went to shower and I ran to the local porn shop to buy a bottle of this heavenly substance.

I got back to the apartment and I ran into the bedroom to start our little sex party for two. It was amazing. We inhaled this euphoric liquid like it was our existence. We had a great time fucking.

Needless to say 20 years later I am still using it. I have always wanted it apart of my sex life. It was many years later that I started to hear rumblings on how it is not good for you.

20 years later I am now finding myself more cautious of its use. I love it. I love the feeling, I love the habit of edging my cock and raising my hand to my nose and taking a big huff filling my lungs with the breath of ecstasy. It filled my body with a throb, a high that intensified my orgasm. I would edge myself to the point of passing out sometimes.

I remember a time in my youth(about 9years ago) that I was severely depressed. I was unemployed. I was smoking pot. I was drinking. I was addicted to porn. My current boyfriend and I had a cozy 2 bedroom apartment. I would use the spare bedroom as my lair. It was my sex dungeon. I created a bad habit. I would stay up late, well past my boyfriends bedtime. I had it down to a science. I would watch 2 sitcoms smoking pot, maybe 4 joints would get me high. After the sitcoms ended, I would sit back in my bachelors chair, grab a drink, and put porn on the DVD player.  I had these DVDs that would play for 8hrs. It was heaven.  I would edge, toking in one hand and poppers in the other. I would edge for 1-2hours, working my cock with pot and poppers. Added to the fact that I would be hot boxing my room and my cock was restrained in a cock-ring I would have the most intense orgasm and shoot loads. It was a contest with myself to see how far I could shoot. At times I would jerk off and cum right away only to toke and stroke to porn until I was ready to blow a second time.

I would remember after blowing my loads and my head rolling back,  my eyes were shut and seeing colours and my body filling with this body chill. I would slowly freak out wondering what was happening to my body. It was the most intense body stone I would have. Even back then I felt like I was on the edge of something dangerous.  I then went to bed at 3am and slept in. I lived for bating my cock.

I did this for months. Then one fatal night, early in the night I had this most intense cough. It hurt. It felt like my lungs had separated from its connective tissue from my ribs and I blew a gasket. It hurt. The very next day I developed this huge thump in my chest and I gave up smoking pot. Just like that cold turkey.

My days of edging and putting myself in a frenzy were over.

Recently the Canadian Gov’t decided that the importation and sale of Poppers was illegal. Poppers soon became a high commodity in the gay black market. Everyone was out. No one could find any. Then out of the blue people started to sell them over craigslist, bars and some bathhouses would start to sell them under the table. The price doubled even tripled.  I would admit I too would buy them for an outrageous price.

Why not?

I love to jack my cock and fuck while sniffing poppers.

There was a time though that I knew better and tried to go off them when it was too difficult to find them. In my sex drawer where I store my condoms, lube, toys etc I have probably 12 or more used old bottles.

I have also suffered the consequences of poppers. I would sometimes get that rash, that skin burn under my nostrils, mostly one side than the other.  Certain Brands would contribute to it more than others and then sometimes it was just the age of the poppers that would contribute to my nose being burnt. A chemical burn to say the least. I would go through times in my life being questioned by coworkers what was wrong with my nose, family members would ask. I would always reply with it was a cold, I got burnt by steam from a facial steamer, etc. Whatever would take the attention away from me using poppers. It was hard but it always worked. My worst fear was that people would assume I sniffed the white stuff. I never did!! for the record.

I learned that sometimes I would chase the rush. I wanted to be fully poppered up when I blew my load which would lead to my head rush and my body feeling completely useless and unable to move after I bated for so long. This told me I was getting too old for this shit.

Why do I do it….Habit, addiction??

I know men who are older and have been doing it longer. Was it a bad thing? Will I succumb to some sort of cancer because of it? Will I die because of my bad habit? Does Health Canada know something they aren’t telling us ? Why are countries around the world finally after 4 or more decades now banning poppers?  Can I survive without them?  Can I relearn how to have enjoyable sex without them?

Who doesn’t love a good hit of the little brown inconspicuous bottle when your about to take 8 or more inches of raw cock?!! I do…Fuck, I am so tight, I rarely take it but when you meet that one guy who you just can’t resist but to try, they sure come in handy then.

I have met many people over the years who are against them, I have met some men who consider them a drug just as pot or coke are. That I do not understand. I have at one point in my life freely used them in the club dancing as well. They were making a comeback, I remember educating my straight friends to try them. It was all the rage once.

There is something to be said to walking into a room, a bathhouse, or a sex party and the first thing that hits your nose is the stench of raw poppers filling your body before you even see any skin….

Tired of Undetectables saying they can not infect me….

Yes, I know the science.

Yes, I know your Viral Load is low.

Yes, I know it is less of a risk.

Yes, I know Negative men are a greater threat.

To me…A Negative HIV man is only as negative as his sexual history in the last 6 weeks and he just runs out of the doctor’s office and heads to his fuck buddies. Thats as negative as you are going to get.

SO the same applies to a Positive Man who is undetectable. You are only as undetectable as your most recent blood work. Today’s modern science is not able to get to a lower level and we are working with what we know. You are only as undetectable in that ONE moment in time that Your blood was drawn.

You are only undetectable in  your blood sample only. Science clearly states that semen, vaginal secretions and anal mucous are different. Since we know that anal mucous has a higher concentrations and we currently do not test anal mucous for viral load I think it is foolish for undetectable men to be out there on their soap box on social media telling neg boys to com get it.

It is frustrating that I hear a lot from poz guys, it isn’t us! Sure negative men who are unknown of their actual Poz status are the ones spreading it but it is foolish and even criminal for some men to be fucking men because they are undetectable.  I would never have unprotected sex with a POZ guy on meds. WHY? Why would I take that risk ?

Risk is Risk!  There are too many variables.  What if I had some abrasions on my asshole or anal fissure I was unaware of because I strained the morning of? What if my gum inflammation was bad that day. What if I had an unknown STD in my urethra. What if….

You do not know that today you are undetectable. You may have a spike in your vial load and not know it.

I find the culture these days amongst gay men who are POZ on social media sites looking for sex seem to tout their status as an excuse to fuck…

You do not know the Viral load in your semen let alone your ass so stop trying to convince me that sex with you is safer than a negative man that I trust.

Also…I DO NOT WANT HIV…So when you message me and ask for sex and I decline and say,” sorry I don’t have sex with HIV positive men and I am only here for friends and or find a fuck buddy for my partner who is HIV POZ.” Don’t reply hastily and try to preach to me you are safe…YOU HAVE HIV…I do not want it..NO risk is no risk….

I want to be around for many many years to come to help take care of my partner for and if any health issues arise that I need to be there for him. That is my commitment. Not to be there for your sexual gratification.

Whether the “Russian Roulette of Life” combined with my “method” of weeding out bad seed*pardon the pun has spared me thus far  then I must be doing something right.

Who else would I have to blame if I contracted HIV from a dude who said he was undetectable and I engaged in insertive anal sex with him or mutual oral? ME and me alone! I do not want that risk.

So stop telling me to read the science. The science is there for everyone when you read ALL the science, not just the parts that suit your desires to get laid. There is still RISK. Not the risk I want to take…..

Is it a low risk, perhaps…but not a risk I want to take.

Luckily I do not live in a community/city that is large and where a lot of POZ men live and have to deal with bug chasers, gifters, stealthers…etc….I am sure a few are out there but not to the extent as a larger metropolitan area.