I sit here at my coffee shop that I like to blog at. I realize that it has been months. I know I have yet to figure out a balance between work and my life. It seems I have invested everything into my work. When I am home away from work sometimes I still check work emails, sometimes I think about work, sometimes I talk about work. When I am home I am either watching netflix, watching porn and jacking off or having a drink with my partner.
We have moved. We are settled. We are starting to realize what our new normal is all about.
It seems most of life has passed me by since my last blog post. I think of writing often but I feel too numb or glum to get on the site to write. I would often check my stats to see how many viewers I have had come my way to check out my little slice of the world wide web.
Of course my viewers have gone down significantly. Especially since I have not written about porn, sex or fuck flu…..
There is so much in my brain I am wanting to write.
I am even at this point unsure what to write about.
I guess I could use this as a template for future writings.
I want to talk about;
…fucking my boyfriend
fucking other dudes….
…. wanting my boyfriend to fuck other dudes
my first blood work since his diagnosis….
…our first fight
hiv viral load numbers….
…disclosure…
….open relationship ?
beyond therapy….
#grindr boy who doesn’t watch porn??
All these things have been on my mind.
It seems the most of my views come from pigs from the website pozconvert and another I can not remember at this point. It seems people who chase the bug are hungry for visualization.
Guess this is for now. I am unsure if I can handle writing about sex in this busy coffee shop. There is a local knitting group in the cafe that is being very loud and hard to focus. Once it calms down i’ll dive into the depths of my inner pig.
serodiscordantcanuck 